This term originated from work with chemically dependent individuals and their families. In working with the addicted individual people began to notice that the family members were also suffering. This pain was often internalized and to the outside world the most effected member often looked like they were gracefully and efficiently going about their lives. The term has become generalized and is now used in reference to someone having difficulty forming and maintaining mutually satisfactory relationships. I think the term is overused to the point that people sometimes feel guilty for being kind, generous or helpful to others.
When someone comes from a background where the parent or parents aren’t able to function or care for the family, and they are involuntarily thrust into that role, at that time this learned behavior can be a highly effective survival tool and is often handsomely regarded by others. As adults, this learned behavior often continues and the ‘codependent’ person does not know they have a choice in their relationships to do something differently; to realize and voice their own needs and desires; to set boundaries; to let the other in the relationship feel the 
natural and logical consequences of their behavior; and to tolerate the discomfort of disagreeing or not going along with their partner. While working on this issue in therapy, we might explore the following questions: what is the historical context of this role of ‘caretaker’?; how did it help you when you were younger?; in what relationships is this pattern prevalent?; are there any relationships where it is not present?; is there any ‘reward’ left for you in this role?; if not, what are the fears about changing?; what would it be like if you had a mutually satisfying relationship?; and if you changed some behaviors, how would this effect how you viewed yourself and others?
